Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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