evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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