Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
