Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
