just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dear god my vagina.
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