I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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