he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
