wat bout pragnant strippers??
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
