Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sober January is a disaster.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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