Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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