is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You've changed since you got that strap on
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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