Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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