clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
