that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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