the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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