Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize