he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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