apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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