They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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