then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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