I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize