What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
