Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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