I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize