what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
