At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
