So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
