I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
