The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
