my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
