WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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