When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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