Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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