I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize