the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
