Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
