omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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