but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
