I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
