Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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