Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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