so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
