It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
