guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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