Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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