No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
