Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
