I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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