quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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