Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
