fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
