this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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