you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
