she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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