Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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