Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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