I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Let's get the cat blown out
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
