he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
