so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
