When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
